Foundation Series

Since there's not much to write and not much to do, I might as well do another make up entry. It's almost midnight and taking on the big F of make up will surely keep me up till two. Good luck! Let's do foundation. The most important step in doing make up is also the most complex and complicated. So if you're faint of heart, walk into that bright light and into the next salon! First. Get your principles straight. How your hand applies make up is only as good or as bad as your eyes are satisfied. Your eyes will only accept what your mind allows. An oversimplification is, if Garbo is your ideal, you will find thin brows irresistible, consequently you will find no peace until you've plucked the last stray hair. So, decide what is beautiful to you and the eyes and hands will follow.

Those who believe that foundation is simply done for indiscriminate concealment can go buy a mask. Foundation is more subtle and versatile than you can imagine. I like to work from a point of view before I decide on what type of foundation work a client needs. My principles for foundation are 1. You only better. 2. If you can "see" the foundation, it's the wrong foundation. 3. Foundation should mimic evolutionary signals of genetic viability and health. 4. Foundation is a very thin medium, it can only cover discoloration and create illusion of volume. If you think you can spackle with foundation, you need a building permit not an appointment at the salon. Approach make up like an anthropologist but apply it like a painter, not a mason.


You only better. The first principle dictates that I will only conceal what is necessary. Great skin is too precious to go under foundation. Cover blemishes and uneven color, matching everything to the best part of the face. The idea is to look your best not a goupie of SixFeet Under. Believe that there is more beauty in your face per square inch than ugliness. Less is best. Improve on what you have, not build another woman over your wasteland of an ego.

If you can "see" the foundation, it's the wrong foundation. The second principle is the most misunderstood. Observe as many faces as you can and you will notice that the face is not one single shade and tone. I repeat not one single shade and tone! If you want your skin to be one flat continous shade and tone, go join the cast of Herculoids or something. One shade and tone is a a dead giveway that you are "mortuarily foundationed." Foundation must match your neck. Foundation must disappear under sunlight. Foundation must match your racial stock. By the way, shade is the lightness or darkness of a color, while tone is the yellowness, redness, greeness, and bluishness of a color. Tone has a technical meaning in color theory but that's for uber make up geeks. The less noticeable foundation is -- the better.

Foundation should mimic evolutionary signals of genetic viability and health. Hep hep hep hep! Bear with me on this one. The subconscious objective of doing foundation is to make your face look like it has no imperfections, it's supple, it's smooth, it's full of blood and health. Ergo, a nubile lass with superb genes and mint condition reproductive plumbing. Men should go, "Oggggg, ooog, akh, akh, ngawrrrrr." Translation "Hey girl! Great skin. I'm sure my progeny will have better chances of surviving the next ice age." Study the skin of babies, virgins, and young women engaging in sex. Later I will break them down under foundation styles.

Foundation is a very thin medium. In the hands of a master, foundation can do wonders but still keep your expectations realistic. Foundation CANNOT raise craters nor flatten pimples. You can contour with shades but foundation IS NOT liposuction nor rhinolasty. Foundation with a little mica can diffuse light and distract the viewer from fine lines but IT DOES NOT replace acceptance of age.

So there you go on principles. Foundation must rest on the foundation of a woman's beliefs on beauty, age and self image. Next time, material survey. Creams and coverage. The clueless shades of Max Factor in Asia. The technology behind a Christian Dior loose powder. And a bazillion things to make women swear off foundation.

Eyebrows:The Historical Arc

The first characteristic of great eyebrows is that they are groomed. No stray hairs, tapered and flat against the skin. Is it just me or have you noticed that in pop media highly evolved hominids are always portrayed as having no eyebrows while early hominids have thick bushy brows? Thick and unruly brows just scream primitive. Groomed brows is evolution made manifest. Have you seen an abducting alien with Peter Gallagher brows? Never! (Klingons don't count) Or have you seen a neanderthal with pencil thin brows? Even in western art, after the Europeans got over that bloody crusade, brows got thinner. In Giotto's "Mourning of the Christ", Mama Mary's brows were thick and straight. Compare that with Wilton Diptych's Mama Mary and you will see a marked difference. That's only 150 years of evolution! My beautician's theory is that after Chaucer, the then world just got wiser - which led to the age of reality - which led to Brunelleschi's Dome of Florence - which is still guiding our Martha Stewart architectural touches. See, the whole historical arc of the western civilization can be compared to thinning arch of brows. I swear I am soooo bored right now, I could be shooting bleach or I could just take it out on eyebrows. I'm low on bleach right now. Ergo.

The second most important characteristic of great eyebrows is the arch. An eyebrow is very much like your life, part of it goes up, part of it goes down. If everything goes straight up, you're either a Vulcan or Debbie Mazar. If everything goes down then you're simply pathetic. The arc of brows must gently rise from the inner corners of the eyes, finding their peak outside the iris and then sloping gently 45 degrees above the outer corners of the eyes. The eyes and the brows work together to expand the emotive repertoire of the human face. Shave the brows and you look quizzical and in constant wide-eyed perplexity. Only Monalisa can look enigmatic without eyebrows, and only The Virgin Queen can communicate disdain and boredom without them. Karl Urban's brows in "The Chronicles of Riddick" were too straight, no arc. That's why he looked constantly mad. Ok, men must avoid a very pronounced arc or else they will have to give up all claims on the following titles: bisexual, straight tripper and just experimenting. If I'm beginning to sound like Imelda, slap me and make a documentary of my life. I'll see you in the lobby.

The third rule for great eyebrows is "age appropriateness." Babies have little to no brows, teens have more, pag lumandi na brows get groomed. If a girl gets obsessive with the tweezer she looks like Joan Crawford. If she continues with the trend, she looks old because she will remind us of stars from the 50's. For a man, it's really just grooming. If he over-plucks I believe he is not a man. When a man gets to his late 30's he must take a small pair of scissors to his brows and trim all the freaky long hair. Age brings a Walter Matthau-ness to brows and also to the hair inside and around the ears. Yuck!

The last point for brows is aesthetics. More often than not people with big faces DO NOT have big faces, their features are just crowded in the middle. If we could, we would move the eyes apart and the mouth lower, but we can't. So to solve the visual problem we can extend the ends of the brows further out. This would balance out the feature-face space ratio. If the nose is too wide or big, avoid brows that are too close. Wide nose with close brows suggest a bell or 60's flared pants! Someone once said "If the chin defines the lower half of the face, the eyebrows define the upper half. " I believe him. Color is also important, the brows must be the same shade as the head hair of slightly lighter. Ask your salon for Jolen or Sally Hansen facial hair bleach the next time you get a coloring job. Or use Dior Blonde eyebrow pencil. Or get Chamayu #5 from PCX, it's a beige colored mascara that can be used on brows. It can lighten the brows dramatically but test it first because on some olive skins, the Chamayu looks greenish. Best tweezers are from Tweezerman and Shu Uemura.

If this boredom continues, I will discuss eyeshadow designs and their evolutionary signals for sexual readiness in human females. Blood I need a sex life.

Salon Slogan Sighting

"If your hair is unbecoming you should be coming to us."

Blush : Blood Under Your Skin

Blush is blood under your skin or a burn from the sun. For Scandinavians a snow-burn is acceptable, but the application should be lower on the cheeks. For Eskimos a windburn is better, full front and wide on the cheeks including the nose and forehead. For men, it's better to blush high on the cheeks and over the nose bridge. This I hear is how virile men blush after tramping in the woods rescuing virgins. For Goths, no blush. Blush is too happy, it gives too much clue about health, life, and manners.

Blush is essentially a deep bright color showing through your skin. That color is red; pinks and oranges are simply variations of red. Never brown. Brown is a shade so it must be used to contour not to color. The reverse is also true. Blush should never be used to contour the underside of fat cheeks, fat faces and wide noses. Contour is a shadow, so unless you live in Mars where shadows are probably reddish you never use blush to contour. Remember, blush is color, brown is a shadow to contour.

If you want to find out where you blush best you can do any of the following. First, have vigorous sex in a hot place, immediately after orgasm excuse yourself from your partner and check your face in the mirror. Having sex with mirrors all around your bed is also nice. Second, jog, jog, jog then splash water on your face and look in the mirror. Third, go under the sun for thirty minutes. Better yet do a specific task under the sun so you won't look silly sunbathing away from the beach i.e. wash your car or pretend to sell detergent door-to-door. After disposing detergents, get into a public rest room and see where you burn first. Most probably you will find the strongest blush points on top of your cheeks. Other blush points, but fainter, would be right above your brows, on top of your nose bridge, and behind your ears.

Now if you do all of the above at the same time, you will have sex outdoors in broad daylight while jogging, while selling detergent door-to-door (again to avoid looking silly). I can't imagine anyone doing that without getting embarrassed - selling cheap detergent. And when you're embarrassed you blush. Only humans are known to blush.

My favorites are : Benetint by Benefit, 14 Flamme by Chanel, Red 19D by Shu Uemura